June 1 2020
Dear Mr. President,
Oh my goodness! You must be so scared!! Thank goodness you have a “Safe Room” in your basement and an army of helpers, protectors and viscous dogs to keep you safe. What was it like seeing so many people outside your home yelling and chanting and walking toward the fence? I’m sure it was scary when you and your family had to go to the basement. Maybe you could share with us what that was like for Melania and Baron. I am sure that even if you were scared you were comforting them and protecting them by tweeting angry “Stop Standing Near My Lawn” or something like that. You put on a brave(sort of) face and talk super tough but we all know you don’t really mean it. At least, not without”really big weapons and/or dogs and/or secret service and/or soldiers to back you up. You can tell me, weren’t you really really really scared?
The truth is that the fires and bad vibes were scary for everyone and it is clear that there are some “bad actors” out there. You do know (because you are so Smart) that those doing these acts are not a reflection of how and why so many people are protesting peacefully and calmly. You must know that there are a number of people who seem organized to try and disrupt the protests and who are looting and vandalizing. Are you tweeting about the actual reasons so many of people, even around the world, are supporting the need to reform our justice system and the policing that leads to the deaths and harassment of African Americans and other people of color? I have heard that you are tweeting and talking about how “tough” and “dominating” the local police and elected officials should be to deal with the “thugs” but are you also tweeting and talking about the real issue of injustices? Governor Cuomo (isn’t he terrific?) calls the protests “righteous” and “legitimate” and the “looters” are looking to disrupt, co-opt and distract from the need of reforms and change.
I listened to a short bit of the daily briefing with your new Communication Person, Kayleigh McKenna. You must be so proud of her. She always knows what questions are going to be asked and has a pre-prepared answer. She is smart and very attractive and blond although I wondered how she keeps her hair that color when so many other women’s hair is growing out. Is there a hair stylist who comes to the White House as an “essential worker” and does everyone’s hair color? She talks super fast and is really good at telling us how in control and on top of everything and really good at your job you are. It must be a big relief to have her around. I know I am being petty but I have two questions/suggestions for her: One- I think you should brush your hair and trim the bottom so it doesn’t flop around so much. Two, How do you keep your eyes opened? You wear a lot of mascara and I find it quite distracting wondering if the eyelashes weigh a lot or are fake or that’s your natural look.
Anyhow, back to you. I digressed because Kayleigh said you had been talking a lot about the situation and had all her quotes ready. She also blamed, well, you know who, for not reporting what you have said. She didn’t mention that You (the Fake News) are reporting on all your tough guy statements, and that is why the public really hasn’t heard your compassionate comments. Just reminder her that you communicate directly with the American People through your Tweets and you could express your heartfelt sadness and empathy through them (if you wanted to).
While you sit in the basement you know that Joe Biden has gone to several of the protests to listen to the people and show his support. Be careful, he might tweet that “The country is Burning and Trump is Hiding in his Basement.” That would really hurt your feelings.
Dear Mr. President 