June 22 2020
Dear Mr. President,
Sigh, I think we should discuss your situation first. I know, I know, I usually like to begin with pleasantries and weather reports (that you don’t pay any attention to) but we have some serious problems to work on. First, and maybe the biggest, is the fallout from the Oklahoma rally. (I still need to sing the song to spell this right). A lot of people were talking about it being a disaster! How can they say that? Why do they say that? Just because there were 6,000 people or so in the arena doesn’t mean that over 900,000 others weren’t watching on a device. And, even if some people were yawning or napping, it doesn’t mean you were boring – it probably had to do with them not getting enough sleep the night before. Remember, a dozen or so camped out for a few nights. Oh, and it was hot and humid. They were probably “baked like a cake”, just like you were at the West Point graduation. Yes, you had to cancel the outdoor rally due to nobody showing up but at least you didn’t have to deal with a stupid ramp!
There are still more problems with the Oklahoma rally. Ms. Mcenany,(I hope I spelled that name right- I can’t deal with spelling her first name), your press secretary, told the press at her first briefing that “I will never lie to you”. Yesterday she told reporters “The President was very pleased with the rally.” She denied you were “furious” on the plane ride back to the White House. She said Dan Scavino (whomever he is) said the President said, “I was energized having been around the American people”. She went on to say “even a political pundit wrote to him that it was one of the all-time great speeches they’d ever heard.” Um, I don’t think any of that is true. Do you?
Some political pundits thought the President was joking like Shecky Greene. I remember that name from late night tv back in the 60’s. So, I looked him up. He played in Vegas and was such a good comedian that he is in the Comedy Hall of Fame. His act included comments on the day’s happenings, from personal events to world news. He was very spontaneous, witty and even did impressions! The final line in the article was “When Greene finished his show, both he and the stage were a shambles.” So, you just need to work on shortening the story about the ramp at West Point, and tell some new stories and maybe you will get into the Comedy Hall of Fame. Okay, it’s not the Nobel Peace Prize but….
One of the reasons the press didn’t think Ms. Mcenany was telling the truth is the video of you coming off the helicopter and walking across the South Lawn of the White House. Sir, you looked awful. Run the tape and you will see what I mean. You were in shambles with no jacket, your tie (I think it was the expensive red silk tie or you have a number of those) undone and your shirt open. Plus, you were walking like a zombie, exhausted and you looked so defeated. beaten down. In some ways you looked like a little lost boy who doesn’t even have his special blanket or stuffed animal to comfort him. You reminded me of those poor children at the border behind the fences or in the “cages” scared, cold and missing their families.
Get some rest, cheer up and on to Yuma to inspect the fences. I think it might be very hot there so leave the tie at home, wear sun screen and drink plenty of water.
Dear Mr. President 