July 16, 2020
Dear Mr. President,
I think I may have been too hard on you recently. You know how much I want to help you. You need all the help you can get. Things are not going very well and some of your helpers/advisors/family members are also not helpful. For example, the picture of Ivanka holding up a can of Goya black beans was hilarious, but not helpful. Ana Navarro (not related to Peter Navarro, but, a Republican strategist and commentator) wrote that “No Latin Would Cook Black Beans in White Silk”. Then there was the picture of you and a Resolute Desk full of Goya products. It would have been a lot more effective to have a picture of Ivanka cooking a dish that included the can of beans and then another of you eating that dish. Also, promoting specific products in your official capacities is kind of a breach of the ethics code, not that it matters to you.
Speaking of Peter Navarro, it would have been more helpful if he had not written an OpEd about Dr. Fauci that was full of alternative facts, also known as lies, and misleading facts. You ask, what is a misleading fact? So, back in March, when Dr. Fauci said we didn’t need to wear masks he was talking about the hospital masks, N95, that were then in short supply and desperately needed in hospitals. Dr. Fauci also warned us in February and March that things could change as the scientists and doctors learned more about the virus. In other words, Peter Navarro, not a public health expert should let the public health experts speak about public health.
Your administration and campaign staff needed a bit of a shakeup so it’s good to read you switched some of the positions around. You always said you would have “the best people” working for you. You seem to have run out of some of the “best people” but it’s great that you have found new ones to help out. The folks at the CDC are some of the best and most experienced around so just leave them alone to deal with the virus. Actually, you don’t need to even mention that enemy because it won’t help you get any new voters. It’s best to leave that battle to the experts and maybe VPPence. Then, if he screws up, you can put all the blame on him. You could also find someone other than Betsy DeVos. She seems to have forgotten to do her homework on how to safely open schools.
So, back to trying to help you. We’ve discussed practicing a speech so you pronounce all the words correctly, and taking acting lessons to widen your emotional pitch beyond rage. We’ve also discussed trying to get your facts right, especially historic facts, and even accepting responsibility for the actions of your administration. It looks too cowardly to blame everything that goes wrong on someone else and I know how brave and strong you really are. Yes, Mr. President, you are so strong and brave, the strongest and bravest president Ever! Just look at your punim (Yiddish for face) when you make your strong and brave face. I just have one suggestion for that pose. Don’t make that face while folding your arms around yourself so tightly that you squish yourself. Maybe, do the muscle pose, you know, both arms bent at a 45- degree angle, with fists and sort of bent over flexing your pecs. That would be impressive.
I look forward to hearing from you or, if you are too busy, seeing if you take up any of my suggestions. By the way, I like the new color of your hair. It’s that shade of blue/grey that a lot of older women use, very distinguished.
Dear Mr. President 