August 14, 2020
Dear Mr. President,
Despite getting ready for Shabbat, I wanted to carve out some time to write to you. There is so much happening right now that it’s hard to know what to think or do. I know you feel that way too because you look like the burdens of office and the reelection are weighing on you strongly. It’s probably why you aren’t sleeping very much, although common sense would dictate turning off your electronic devices at a fixed time and leaving them off until morning. Of course, you wouldn’t be able to watch tv until the wee hours, but you could avoid tweeting dumb stuff that later has to be taken down. I think it would also help get rid of the circles under your eyes that are not completely covered by makeup. Anyhow, the weekend at your golf course should be a good opportunity for some exercise and relaxation. There was a picture this morning of you and Melania and Barron walking toward the helicopter! Are they coming with you today? It should be a great time for bonding with both of them so have fun.
I am peeved with you about a few things, but since we have such a good relationship it should be okay for me to express my feelings. Your attitude toward the USPS and mail in voting is WRONG! I would also say it is nasty, mean, unprecedented, and it shows fear and weakness when you want to demonstrate strength. On top of everything you continue to say about how worried you are about “A Rigged Election”, I expected you to speak and act to protect and strengthen voting rights. For example, how to get more money to the states (they are the entities that control how elections are run) for better equipment, more voting sites, recruiting more poll workers, more protections for those coming in person to vote and more protections for the poll workers and better cybersecurity for all of us. Defunding the USPS and taking out machines that sort the mail, cutting hours for postal workers and removing mailboxes, are the opposite of helping ensure a safe and democratic election. Remember, Postmaster General DeJoy, or as I like to call him, NoJoy, seems ethically compromised. Plus, you said out loud that you want to interfere with voting by illegally banning mail in ballots. Don’t be scared by democracy and promotion of all citizens to exercise their rights to vote. I’m sure it will all work out just fine.
I am also very peeved with you about how you speak about Kamala Harris. Please allow me to help you understand that your language is not acceptable and will not win you any votes with women. This is also true for your son, DJJunior, who is trying to be you and not succeeding. He does sort of look like you, he does sort of talk like you and he does sort of tweet like you, but he doesn’t quite have your sense of humor. He is trying to be clever and funny with his juvenile language, but he isn’t. Just tell him to sit and stay, no barking. Anyhow, let’s try this language instead. “Senator Harris is a strong, smart, dynamic, powerful, and thoughtful leader. She has a history of working for the rights and protections of the law both as a prosecutor and as a Senator and has a deep understanding of the justice system in this country. I look forward to having good conversations about policy with her and with VP Biden.” You know she is a talented orator and debater who will wipe the floor with VPPence. Oops. Sorry, that wasn’t nice. Anyhow, you would be wise to avoid pretending to not know about her eligibility for the office of Vice President or President. Don’t rerun that old story. You tried with President Obama and with Senator Ted Cruz and you know, because you have studied history and the Constitution deeply, how foolish that makes you look. Finally, it’s ridiculous to accuse her of being a radical anything, just as it’s ridiculous to accuse Vice President Biden of being a radical. You recently praised that person from Georgia who follows those nuts from Qanon. Now, that’s radical.
Okay, I got that out of my system. Could you send VPPence a suggestion from me, please. He should practice smiling and joke delivery. I saw a video of him this week trying to do both, and it was creepy. Actually, forget the joke telling because no one will believe he could deliver a punch line. Come to think of it, no one can believe he can smile naturally either.
You have a good weekend. Focus on your golf game and practice good sportsmanship. You may need some help with how to be a graceful loser.
Video of this letter will be in the comments
Dear Mr. President 